Who is this Me?
This disease called MS is ruining my me…
It’s sucking my life out, why can’t you see….
The thoughts that are raging and consuming my mind
Are irrational, cynical, angry, and mostly unkind
It’s like a war that raging from deep down inside
The pain and burning does not seem to want to subside
There are days filled with energy that seem to be so good
But they are hardly remembered, although they sure should
They should be my focus on the really bad days
But when bad days come, they are but a haze.
I am tired of dealing with this, and it’s just been a year
I feel as though I have lost myself, and that is what I fear.
The fears consume me; they seem to rupture my soul
The tears rush like rivers, drowning out all my goals.
I had different plans God – why can’t you see
This disease is destroying this person I call me
Who is me anymore, or dare do I ask
I am not even sure; it’s like wearing a mask
I am empty, I am broken, I am just a big mess
All I want is to be me, and that would be a success
But now the question is back to square one
Who is this me, to this question I succumb…
Who is this me that I search for, is there even a hope
I struggle to find out the answers, Lord please help me cope
You see I know all the answers, I have the degree
But it doesn’t take away the memories of the old me.
I should put things in the past, most people would say
And put on a smile, and celebrate this brand new day
The advice sounds legit a good place to start
But how do you begin to overcome the funeral in my heart.
Right now in the midst of this troublesome time
I must cling to the hope that only in Him I can find
The me that I long for, I may never again know
But I am sure the Great Healer will stand my side as I go
This is a comfort, but truly honest I must be
That when life’s filled with darkness His light’s hard to see
So right now as I wrestle, with the thoughts of despair
I get by with the promise that God will always be there
Although this storm, seems to be wrecking my well planned out life
I cling to the promise that I will never be left out of His sight
Lord, I need you to hold me, to get me through this life’s storm
Show me a new me, one to which you will form
Form me into a servant; give me a heart that will love
Show me new ways to show your mercy, ways that comes from above.
And now as I rest, hold me tight in your arms
For only You can give shelter in the midst of the storms