Wednesday, April 01, 2015
If I had been writing this post two weeks ago, I would have been able to focus on how well I was managing my disease, how I have felt so good, been exercising a bit, and even played on a ladies indoor soccer team (which was so fun, and just what I needed to feel like an athlete again). I felt great! I was losing weight, becoming fit, and managing this disease.
But true to form with MS, you never know when your life will hit a turn in the road, over the last month, my body has endured stress, that though I felt I was managing well, my body was taking the brunt of it.... so one day after arriving in Hungary, I came down with intense vertigo that didn't allow me to leave my bed.... I thought it was jet lag (maybe foolish thinking) but with all my exercises I was trying and the meds that I added in later there was no relieve.... and as we arrived in Romania I found myself in the hospital getting tests and ultimately beginning a round of IV steroids to treat my newest flare up.
In the midst of this disease, I must admit that it has changed me over the past 8 years, whether feeling great (relatively) or laying here in bed recoving from feeling not good at all.....I am a better person today because of this. Each day I must make a choice, to celebrating the good days, and look for the Hope in the bad. As much as I hate the disease, I hate how I feel especially the last 10 days, I wouldn't trade it because it has drawn me closer to God, it has made me a better more compassionate person, and it has slowed me down when I need to rest.
So my dear little child who is in heaven with Jesus, I love you! We miss you, but we know that God's plan is perfect. And each year on this day, we remember you with orange tulips - they remind me of the sunrise, new life, new mercies.... you are a gift that will never be forgotten, and when Ella talks about her big brother and sister.... I just have to smile knowing that she does have one in heaven and for you we are thankful.
So thank you my dear husband for remembering! And searching the streets of Romania to find me the only bunch of Orange Tulips available... they mean the world to me!
I close with my life verse.... "Be joyful in Hope, Patient in Affliction, and Faithful in prayer!" Romans 12:12