Well it seems like some of you are anxiously waiting for part three and my students are watching a movie, so I may have time to get part three in the books..... part 3 - The Oh my I just talked to my birth mother for the first time and now I have no idea what to do with all these emotions and oh my I still have a conference to attend..... sounds like a good title don't you think!
After I talked to Nancy my birthmom - I did what every good daughter would do - I called my mom! I told her all about it while it was still fresh on my mind. She had tons of questions - she was so excited! So happy - I was in shock! (still excited but shock!) I am so thankful that my parents are so supportive of this. I can't remember a time in my life that I didn't know that I was adopted, and that there was someone out there that loved me very much.... that statement from my mom was confirmed by my birthmom - almost exactly! My mom also can't wait to meet Nancy and share stories!
Breath Jana breath - it is now time to head to the conference. So we went back to the hotel and looked Nancy up on facebook. I added her as my friend - finally a picture.... I didn't know what to expect - I always wondered what she looked like. And that was always one of the hard things for me - not looking like anyone since my family is all very tall (except my brother and I who are both adopted) Anyway - I do remember when I had Ella - looking at her hoping that she would look even just a little like me so I would have someone to look like. (Just a side note, though my sister Jill and I aren't blood related we have in the past 10 years been told of our resemblance to each other - always found that so funny, especially when they find out that I am adopted)
Anyway - in less than 48 hours I went from wondering, to searching, to finding, to chatting on the phone to seeing her picture..... all while I was preparing for and attending a conference! Do you feel overwhelmed thinking about it.... honestly I had to go into "closet" mode just to hold it all together - I didn't have time to experience any emotions..... it was crazy... now Joel and I still hadn't even had a chance to talk about any of this yet - so that evening I was going to tell him about it but I was in the room and my phone was dying and there were people around so we talked for a few minutes and decided I would just tell him everything when I got home.
I slept well that night - I was exhausted. Went through the day at the conference, got recognized as a team leader in the leadership march! Then we headed home just to hit a snow storm - our 2 hour trip turned into 4.5 hours, a call to 911 when we witnessed an accident and watching a cop get out of the car and fall flat on his butt (has nothing to do with the reunion, but we thought it was funny)
When I finally got home - I crashed - both physically and emotionally - for the first time I just let it all out - I sobbed - all my pent up fears and emotions came spewing out on my poor husband - good thing he is a patient man! After I calmed down I talked to my mom and made sure she was okay with all of this even though she told me numerous times she was.... she has been amazing through the whole thing!
Nancy and I messaged each other and decided Tuesday would work.... now the thought of where to meet began to consume me. One of the things about me that I am not partiularly fond of is my need to control things when I feel out of control..... all my feelings were overwhelming me so I was trying to think of where the best place to meet would be - I thought about distance, location, would we have to meet in the parking lot or inside, would we eat or just sit and talk, would other people be staring at us wondering what the fuss was, would Ella come along - would she sit still, would it be okay for Joel to come along - would it just be her, or her husband, her kids - oh my - talk about a whirlwind. And it was only Saturday and we weren't meeting until Tuesday.
It's only Saturday.... to be continued!!
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