Marriage and Ministry

Assuming the Worst

Why is it that I always assume the worst?  What do I mean by that?  Let me explain…. In the past several years of marriage and in my decade of serving in ministry I find that my mind often goes directly to the negative.  For example, if I ask my husband to help me take out the trash and he neglects to do so (or do it in the time frame that I have allotted in my mind) I assume he doesn't care about me and the things I need help with.  In ministry I may plan a huge event only to have 5 students show up, then I automatically assume – the kids don’t like me, they don’t like the activity, other commitments are much more important. 

Both of these scenerios though drastically different are completely related – they both have to do with my mindset – my negative mindset – and that negativity can easily creep into my marriage or my ministry if I don’t make a conscious change!  Assuming the worst is a common plague in our “half empty” that feels that constant need to compare ourselves to those around us.  This plague can ruin your marriage and your ministry if you don’t make an effort to make a change.

Here are a few things that I have learned over the years in ministry, marriage and counseling that have helped me pursue truth and not assume the worst.

1.     First you need to evaluate the value of what you are dealing with.  The value of the relationship or the value of the task.  For example, it seems to be rather pointless to spend hours worrying about what someone said about you, your spouse, or your ministry if you do not value that person’s opinions or actions.  The same is true about tasks, if I look at the garbage example – in the large scheme of daily life, how much do I really value the fact that my husband may forget to take it out 1 out of 5 times.  It sounds crazy but maybe it is not garbage taking out that is your issue but insert your situation and ask yourself that question – how much do I value that task or that person’s opinion in the large scheme of life?

2.     Next you must evaluate the action.  Did my husband really leave the garbage on the porch and not the curb because he wanted to make a point that he doesn’t like taking out the trash.  No – he forgot!  There was no vicious action planned to ruin my evening, he just forgot since he is still in his church counsel meeting waffle!  How about those youth group kids that never showed up for your big event?  Well with a little research I found out there was a big event going on at the school that was planned last minute even though I had checked months in advance to be sure there was no conflict.

3.     Give your spouse, your students, and the church the benefit of the doubt.  Next time a situation arises take a moment to think before you react (sometimes easier said than done).  Find out the facts before you jump to conclusions.  Talk to those involved before formulating an opinion. 

Assume the best!  Just a simple change of mindset can change your marriage and your ministry in minutes!