Today I am working really hard at excepting above average....but as a people pleaser, that just doesn't seem to cut it. Why do I have such a sad feeling when I find out that I am not at the level of excellence that I worked so hard to achieve. It's just that you work so hard, and you give every bit of energy you have for people or a program, and you feel like you have really connected, but when it comes time to go over your evaluations it just feels like a pit in your stomach when they say you did pretty good; but you think you have done a great job, people have commended you on a great job, and even given you compliments saying, that was our best camp, you are one of our favorites, etc.
The raw ugly truth is that I want to be the best at what I am doing, not to beat out others, because it isn't a competition between me and others, it is a competition with myself. How does this look from a spiritual perspective? Great question, I know what needs to be the most important thing is that students heard about the love of Jesus, that they saw that in my life, and maybe it was good that they weren't caught up in my greatness anyway - because the reality is that they need to be looking to God, not to me. I just need to be a faithful mouthpiece! So with that I must suck up my pride, be thankful that God uses me despite me, and instead of giving up and walking away from something when I am not satisfied with myself, I must get up, quit my pouting, and get back in the race, because it doesn't matter what place I come in, what matters is that I finished the race.
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